i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Welp...herpes.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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