I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
