yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
