I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
