I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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