My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
