can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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