too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
