We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
