im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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