Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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