Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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