Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
