You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
