The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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