I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
