the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Girls should come with a carfax report
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
