at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
my being single is dangerous.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
