I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
