my phone needs a breathalizer
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
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