The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
