Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
