I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
There r osticjed everywhere
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
