Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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