Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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