I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
