nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Non-Jews are for practice
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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