its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
