My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
