What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
and she was petting her beer can
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
