Pants 0. Shit 1.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
