He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
