Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
