I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
