Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
