I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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