Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
