Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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