My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
