I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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