we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
