Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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