I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
