I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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