She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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