Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
