So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
