I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
