yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
