textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
